Wednesday, August 1, 2007

I am going to try an experiment with how people engage with the content of my blog. Here are five (short) poems that exist on my blog from May. What I would appreciate from anyone willing is two things - your favorite and least favorite poem of the five, and more importantly an explanation as to what you think it is that makes the better one better, and the worst one worst. Thanks to anyone who contributes (and I promise to return such a favor for anyone willing to participate on their own blog with their own poetry. make sure you let me know)

1) Pearly Whites
2) Destruction of Lunch
3) (Untitled)
4) Concentrate
5) Her Favorite One


Abzdragon said...

I hate to say but I don't think any of them deserves the title "worst"... :P

My favorite: Pearly Whites
Why? Because I relate to it. I HATE when I get sand in my mouth or anything of that nature, it IS nauseating. I imagine you talking about sand or the "crystals" some toothpastes have.

Least Favorite: Untitled
Like I said, I don't think it's the worst... it's very pretty and works well as a winter haiku. But I don't think it packs the Punch of your other work. Perhaps it's a little trite... in my opinion of course.

Hope that helped.

ozymandiaz said...

Well, as an opposing view...
I'd say of the five (untitled) is my favorite. It is fanciful and lyrical. It presents a complete scene with economy of word.
A very close second is "Her Favorite One" It has wonderful sentiment and story. Very fun yet personal.
And in contrast to the previous comment I'd say Pearly Whites was my least favorite. It is somehwat sterile and impersonal. It creates no image in the mind. Granted, abzdragon found connection there.

Dan said...

"Concentrate" has my vote, but ever so slightly edging out "Her Favorite One". Everyone can relate to scattered thoughts. The possibility of physically gathering them and attempting to complete a task is amusing.

"Pearly Whites is my least favorite, if for no other reason, than I see a trip to the denist in someone's near future.

Crafty Green Poet said...

Well - Pearly Whites resonated with me because I've just read Teeth and Spies a story of a life through the guys teeth.

Concentrate - yuck! but that doesn't make it bad of course.

Her favourite one - i really enjoyed, it made me smile and was insightful too.

None of them are 'worst'. I really like your concise way with words.

astrobassist said...

I agree with ozymandias on all counts.

Untitled sets a scene in my mind and a feeling in my heart. All of your poems seem to successfully put me in your mind's eye/I...they tend to capture the subjective character of experience of somewhat everyday occurances.

I guess I like a poem that moves me. Untitled moves me for some reason, while something like Pearly Whites, while successfully conjuring an experience in me, doesn't MOVE me, probably due to the subject matter. Pearly Whites makes me wonder why you wrote it...did the experience move you so much you had to write it down, or was it some good words that popped into your head to describe that sensation? It seems more like a well executed writing exercise than a poem.

I like all of these a great deal...I many of the ones you have posted a lot more...

Do do.

writerwoman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
writerwoman said...

My favorite is Untitled. Though I feel it is girly of me to say so, I like that one for being sweet and innocent, short but beautiful.

After that I like Her Favorite One. It left me smiling.

Then Concentrate- it may be the best written poem among them for the way its metaphor incorporate bigger themes.

Then Pearly Whites. Great imagery but makes me imagine all my teeth getting knocked out.

Destruction of Lunch was a good poem, imo, but I wouldn't suggest ever using the word vomiting in a piece again. It makes me think of doing that too clearly.

I liked reading these five different types of poems from you. I hope my comments helped in some way.

Brian said...

Thanks everyone for participating in this experiment. It has been very useful to get the kind of comments that are useful and insightful for actually trying to improve one's work. This idea spawned out the a question, "Do you like comments?" And Thinking, why of course, I like comments; but I don't always think comments go much beyond, "I really like that." There is a bias toward commenting on poems you like, and ignoring one's you don't so much. My favorite kind of poem to comment on, is one I really like, but for some reason feel that it could be better. Maybe I love the beginning and the end, but feel like the middle could be tidied up. Maybe the image the writer conjures up is amazing, but a word here or there is distracting from the main point. Sometimes, being told that a poem isn't very good isn't a criticism of the person but a compliment, in the sense that you're saying the other stuff is amazing, and this one falls short of those. It helps the author see their strengths and weaknesses. I have not been as active on this blog as i was in the early summer, but I hope to get back to writing more; and hopefully to commenting more on all of your poetry. Again, thanks so much. I think i will try to do this expermient again, with another 4 or 5 poems. Maybe some of you will consider doing it as well.