The kitchen collapses
into my heart
and sinks
like the heaviest of liquids
far beneath
the flooded
baseboards.
In the cellars
of this house
where I still
cannot forgive,
the darkness remains
vivid.
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19 comments:
1st stanza is nice. sharp and crisp. second stanza gets a bit vague for me.
thanks brian!!
Brian, I really like the first 3 strong lines:
"The kitchen collapses
into my heart
and sinks"
because of the word association twix kitchen/sink. Cool.
I agree on the first three lines.
I also liked "the darkness remains vivid."
Wooww I love it..As I visit your blog I notice that I have blog that the same on you which about Poems and Stories.I wonder if we could ex-link..just visit my blog and leave some comments there about your blog info..thnks..
This is quite effectively disturbing. I like the word play too.
Wow, Brian. What a brutally honest peice. Very impressive. Dark and weighty.
dark and powerful
makes one want and not want to know more
i've returned...this poem hung with me. here's a possible revision:
The kitchen collapses
into my heart
and sinks
like the heaviest
liquid far beneath
flooded baseboards.
In the houses cellar
where I still
cannot forgive,
darkness remains
vivid.
i cut some of your articles.
You got some awesome writing on this blog. It truly conveys the pain in some very unique images. I will return to read some more. Stop by my blog and have a read. Tell me what you think. I'm new to Bloggerland. LL
http://crownedwithlaurels.blogspot.com/
where are ya brian?
Hello
Could you stop by PWB and let me know how your I Promise Blogroll is going. This is your chance to change groups, drop out, or just confirm to me that your are happy on the list you currently belong to. Please let me know.
http://poetswhoblog.blogspot.com/2008/01/i-promise-blogroll-check-in.html
Sara
Please visit PWB. There is a change in your I promise blogroll.
Thomas has left our list, replaced by Susan at
http://blackeyedsusans.blogspot.com/
Please start visiting Susan weekly.
Thank you! Hope to hear from you soon.
Sara
Brian, hope things are good with you. I'm looking forward to your next poem..:)
I have a few ideas about revision if you're interested. I think the idea of what the speaker can't forgive is worth exploring.
Hope to see you at Black-eyed Susan's soon.
There is a new poet added to our I Promise List.
http://justpaisley.why-paisley.com/
Unless someone drops out, no one else will be added. Thank you for accomadating this latest addition. Please visit him each Thursday, as your schedule admits. Make him feel welcome.
Hope all is good with you, Brian.
again, i hope you're well.
I love the use of common objects linked to emotion. The first stanza really send the reader down into the cellar. The only suggestion I would make is to link the liquid that floods the baseboard into the second stanza.
i like your style man..
keep it up...
im in same line try and visit my work.
or maybe you we can link each other up....
http://geekerzz.blogspot.com/
Just stopping in to say hi!
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